daintychambers

I wish my mom will go sleep soon. So I'll have a peaceful time crying.

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Is it wrong if I just wanted to catch up w friends ocassionally, so you won't lose them this way? Maybe I haven't tried hard enough, but I'm tired of trying already. Yeah that's how loser i am. I won't bother talking to anyone cos it seems like I'm more of an annoyance than not. Even trying to keep th conversation alive, or converse like how we used to, I can't seem to do it. Maybe I'm th one who seems more temperamental, fickle minded as always, but kindly look back on how youve been like, be it to everyone or even yourself. I'm not gonna bother keeping relationships w th ppl around me anymore. Even as I find myself annoying them in every possible way & results in them being annoyed which justs adds on to underlying tension, they might dislike me but at th end of th day I hate myself more than anyth for being who I am. Be more positive, decisive, fuck it all. Im all set on going back to what i used to be & do. What yall may find hard to fathom or absolutely absurd, at least I find my own source of comfort in them. i dont give a damn bout what people say anymore cos its my own life im ruining. sorry for some, esp you, it must be your biggest mistake to have known me.

And btw, I dont fucking play/ toy. Tyvm.

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Looking everywhere for inspirations, some directions. #Fail.
A tv show sent tears literally streaming down. Thank god I was alone. Maybe that's why. I always suppress my tears no matter how it's on th edge of spilling in front of my family/ others, perhaps it came out all cos I was alone. Isn't it better cos no one judges you this way?
Th show was bout love in general, and a lot of lies in between. Th main actor, a con man has always loved th main actress, but he only realized it later. Th whole story's pretty complicated, but th main point is he never approached her cos he felt & knows he couldn't provide whatever she needed. By th time he wanted to look for her, he died cos he was beaten up & during which th back of his head got hit against a nail on th wall.........

Lifes precious, you won't know what you will find around th corners...

I know either way, you're still gonna get hurt.

No matter what happens now or later, there's always this space in my heart reserved for you.

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'if you want you take th bigger one. yr bro wear smaller than you.'

'so small. Can see yr back seh-nget luh.'
Mum. It's L.
'can see th clothing one side go up luh'
It's already so big there's so much space here??
'th problem is not th clothing. It's yr back.'

'th phone yr god ah'

'why yr dressing so sexy one uh. Horrible'

My friends say it's not obvious if they don't know
'people tell you can see means can see luh. Don't want to listen. Stubborn.'

Thanks. mum.
And everyone else who helped me realize I'm not worth things. Who're you kidding, you're not a princess from th v start. What a bloody joke. No sarcasm, just feel these are really good reminders that I need to slap me back to reality.

(:

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Barely half an hour & there ve been bowls of noodles th cake th choc n everyth else. Say hello to 胖００Yay.

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Sometimes even as much as I feel like doing it again, I look at how ugly I've made myself & just put it down. Just as well, maybe those scars serve as poignant reminders in one way or another.

On a lighter note, day didn't start off perfectly, but spent a really awesome bossom day w Sha ((:

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Thursday
MY MATHS TEACHER DAYYUUMM NICE TO MEEEEEEE. he didn't really scold me for ponning test & lessons & such but told me to talk to someone if i needed to yada yada

Rushed home to prepare to go out~
Xmen movie tix ran out ):
BUT BAILOMOS WAS AWEWSOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Damn proud of you Sharon, melia, joan, zhen, jouteng, xx.  Like last year, i was really impressed by my friends, #crescentdancers ftw. And this year there were th J4s like michele dixin lydia & also the juniors. It was damn nostalgic watching them, like i couldn't help but think like i should be there if i had worked harder back then. But what's th point of wishing i was part of all these, all that i've always wanted, th stage, lights, actions, music, dance, energy, captivation, everyth only th performer will understand. I know all these will be things i'll never get to experience again in my life, and so i'm thankful for my mini experience w crescent dance. It's like where my friens are, is where i feel like i should belong to & all..why am i dropping further & not even aiming to be where they are? There's no point in saying all these. I should work my ass uppppp so i can look forward to enjoying a better life w them in future if hopefully fate permits. Hwaiting(:

yay glay & vana! ☺♥
hee ♥ my heels (;




Friday
Thanks for th suprise alan (: from th flower, to the movie ticket , to ice cream, thanks for everything, i really appreciate it ((: 


Saturday
can only rmb a comment made when i was at a bra sales. an aunty said to me "but you no size hor" 
WLAOOOOOOOOOOOOO ttm.
sigh do i look THAT flat. k luhhhhh. i accept that fact. |':
Bought nonsense @daiso. a kiddy lunchbox. which come to think of it now, i...wont use HAHA

Sunday
Pee-ah-nooo, turned clock again (Y)
and finally, a sit down dinner w family....though.....cos it's chinese culture my mum doesn't like it. and some dishes were spicy so papa couldn't eat much...culture clash. inevitable. sucks. ):

 
ooh look. I PUT ON WEIGHT HAHAHA
not )':

holidays make me forget entirely bout work. way lot less stress.
but..): nvm. Happy first, sad later. (:

I love Price tag by maddi jane & On th floor by J Lo, somehow hahaha (Y)(Y)(Y)

MAY TH WEEK AHEAD BE AWESOMEEEEEE & uhh productive hahaha (: 

i hope i know you're doing awesome (:

xoxo
ling

Spent th day just eating, stoning, watching tv & half th time trying to get rid of a headache. I won't say I wasted my day away cos it was rather 'lax' lol

On a sidenote as much as I'm eating a lot these days w/o anyth going out, it doesn't feel entirely good though it does initially... Like something just ain't right, as if I'm gonna wake up next day to a female Moses lim or something. But I can't stop eating & I lack self discipline ): ll bang bang go kill yrself now

Going for maths tmr......like finally

Idk why but I'm pretty worried for th whole of tmr...? Hope it'll be great fun though.

Uncertainty. Paranoia. kills.

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(uploading a few onlyyyyy fb got EVERYTH)

College day:

Wonder if th medications have some 'increase appetite' effect cos I ate like a hell lot today. These weeks have & are probably th most filling weeks in years....as much as I wanna lose weight, idk why I'm doing this too haha.

Idk why...my mum seems a lot better today. I love it when she's like this, to hell w her angst, only love please, mummy? (:

Could we have alternate schooling days? It'll be really, pretty awesome.
June holidays, I can't wait.

On a sidenote, I'm gonna make you feel like you gotta swallow back all yr words.

Idk how listening to my heartbeat can be from both from th front n th back :| think he noticed my back so he aske me to stand back facing him & stared...

Most interestingly he asked if I feel anxiety or stress often hahahahhahhaa

At least I got pills for mah indigestion & body ache. OH and fr abdomen pain due to stress or something hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaa

Lol not funny.

Wish I could just crumble to th ground & never wake up.

Bye world.

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Won't again.

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Now I really don't feel like.....school

And it seems like a storm is brewing, is it going to rain? It's like th perfect sleeping conditions....

And my body 's getting a bit too heaty again, pimples worsened...

Should I not have stayed up just now? Needed th sleep I lacked th past few days too...Sigh nvm

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